Sexual Dysfunction

This is a tragic story.

http://news.cincinnati.com/article/20090322/NEWS01/903220312/-1/TODAY

Jessica sent a nude photo of herself to her boyfriend who forwarded it to a friend, so on and so forth, it appeared online and the entire school saw it. Jessica was ridiculed to the point of suicide.

What a tragic end to a young life. Her parents are rightly angered, overcome with grief and looking for an explanation. I am sure they feel that something else- some external force- is to blame. And they are right.

But legislation preventing kids from sending or posting nude photos, or, as it is called "sexting", will not change anything. Sexting is just a symptom of a greater societal problem.

Jessica is of the generation that read "Heather has two mommies" in kindergarten and learned about "the blue dress" by 4th grade. Jessica undoubtedly watched "Sex and the City" since she was 10, saw Tony and his gang at the "Bada Bing" and has seen self-proclaimed "pan-sexual" Madonna grab her crotch every time she gets on a stage.

What happens to a group of children who are told, often times under legally procured rules and methods, that there is no taboo about sex? Nothing is out of question, nothing is private, nothing is even wrong. Condoms and abortions are offered free of charge to minors in schools. Snap bracelets are worn by 8th graders. And sexual conversation is as commonplace as any other topic like sports or the weather.

Recently, at a cocktail party, a woman felt compelled to tell my mom that her son was experimenting with his sexuality. "You have several children. I'm sure you know what that phase is like". My mom didn't know how to respond. I wish I could have seen the look on her face.

In the 1970s a great Italian thinker prophesied in his book "On Human Life" that the overacceptance and overindulgence of sex outside of a committed married relationship would be devastating to mankind. Rather than make us a more tolerant and loving society, it would bring out the selfishness of man, often at the expense of women, and lead to higher abortion rates and more out-of-wedlock births. It would victimize women in domestic violence and rape and the banality of sex and it's proper context would lead to an overall moral decline.

Real prophets are dead-on. Recent studies show that 40% of births in America are out-of-wedlock. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4733330.stm. That is staggering. But back to Jessica and her family.

There are things parents can do to protect their children. Legislation is not the answer.

Don't give your children camera phones. That's a quick, simple start. No one NEEDS a camera phone. Don't give your children phones that can receive photos either. This is not because you don't trust your children- it's because you don't trust other people children. Sorry.

Computers, especially with internet connections, should be in a common room of the house: a home office, a corner in the family room, a hallway. A teenager, alone in his room with unlimited internet access is just not prudent. Same with cable TV or DVD players. Not in a private bedroom- it's just imprudent. When thousands upon millions of predators, sexual, financial, whatever kind you imagine, are out in cyberspace and on TV and cable looking for your kid you've got to take necessary preventative measures.

But that's just not enough. More importantly we as a society need to control what our children are being taught and what is being fed to their minds through social communication. Our kids are bombarded by sex at a very early, very young age and we have become immune to it. How sad is it that my dad, my brothers and our nephews cannot watch the Superbowl or the World Series without Viagra after Levitra after Go-Daddy after God know what other breasts in your face and penis won't work commercial. And 8 year old Peter asks "what's an erection". (Following in the footsteps of thousands of generations before us, we respond "Go ask your mother".)

And where is the modesty of a young boy who receives a nude picture of his "girlfriend" and shares it with the world? Sure guys in locker rooms have always talked about girls and what they did/did not do and what we did/did not do. But usually, rather, always, when conversation switched from "girls" to "my girlfriend" the questions, and the jokes, ceased. Guys will talk smack about girls- but not about their mother or their girlfriends. Some things are sacred. Were sacred.

But here is a young boy who was 8 when he learned about oral sex from a House Committee. Sex was no longer something you talked about (but weren't supposed to) or experienced with a cheerleader (but wasn't supposed to). Now, you are SUPPOSED TO. And if you don't something is wrong with you.

Why is it fun to make fun of the Jonas Brothers who wear their purity rings, but Angelina Jolie, who is in all lay terms a homewrecking whore, is cool? We make fun of Eli Manning who married his High School sweetheart and is faithful to her but Tom Brady who impregnates one, dates another, now a third is some sort of hero?

And that is the switch-a-roo that has me concerned. What is good is stupid; what is bad is cool. What is moral is nerdy; what is immoral is awesome. "And Eve saw the apple was appealing to the eye". What amazing twists in life that turns goodness into wrongness and makes what is bad a necessity.

My heart goes out to Jessica's family. I don't blame them, I don't blame the way they raised their little girl. But they had tremendous opposition since the day she was born. And my fear is that other parents will not learn from this tragedy and see the enemies of their children as real, intentional, coordinated and calculated.

"Boys will be boys". I agree. We always will. But parents should be parents. I hope Jessica's tragic death will remind other parents about the tremendous responsibility they have before them. Maybe we can reverse the prophesy before it becomes fully true.