Extreme Makeover: HUD Edition

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition is a big ball of T.V. cheese. It is kitschy and corny and usually makes me get a little teary eyed- especially when they build a house for some kid who was born without a head. Those lame families "we sold everything we have to take care of stray cats and now our house is falling apart" make me a little mad. They don't need a house- they need a life.

I hate cats.

Anyway- I'm always impressed at how they build, paint and furnish a house in one hour (30 minutes for me- I watch on TIVO). Before they MOVE THAT BUS they've got college scholarships and a life supply of toilet paper. It's a great community effort- and by community I mean people, neighbors and businesses.

Why does it work so well? NO GOVERNMENT.

If HUD had an Extreme Makeover show, it would began in the public affairs office getting clearance from the Chief of Staff to propose the project. That proposal would get lost in inter-office mail. Three days later, when a new request was sent, it would be rejected by the Chief of Staff's chief of staff because it was not formatted according to internal memo codes (use the template on the J drive...).

After the idea gets approval from the Chief of Staff, an EO study is performed to insure that no racial, sexual, gender, physical, cultural, ethnic or fashion discrimination has occurred. This study takes about 4 weeks and passes through 2 separate committees that have complete juridical oversight.

Having selected a family, an environmental impact study is ordered by the joint Interior/EPA committee on residential urban development.

Noise permits are ordered in ensure that the bullhorn "Goooood morning Jones family!" is shouted within regulated decibel allowance.

You get my drift...

I'm glad that Mr. Obama wants government to take control on more aspects of my life. Going to the DMV once every five years was just NOT enough. And the post office? How much fun is THAT? Once the government brain trust takes over my bank, my mortgage, my health care- I will have the joy of spending whole days of my life in lines before rude, unfulfilled morons who tell me to go stand on another line.

No more MOVE THAT BUS, ABC. You are showing the government up. And when you consider it, it is not fair that some families get chosen on ABC and others don't. We need equality in America- everyone should be equally miserable.

ABC should be forced to stop that show. And the HUD should be in charge. They've done such a good job so far, right? I look at the housing projects in my neighborhood and think "we need more of this".